Legacy

This weekend we spent time celebrating beginnings and rejoicing over the journey.

April 29^th, Zach’s cousin got married.

April 30^th would have been my grandparents (Nana and Pawpaw) 62^nd wedding anniversary.

And today, May 2^nd is Zach’s grandparents (Mommom and Pop) 65^th wedding anniversary.

A few years ago, Mommom was in the hospital and everyone was there,

her kids, grandkids, great grandkids and of course her beloved Pop.

During that time, she said something to all of us who were holding back tears,

words that I will never forget.

With a smile on her face as she held one of her daughter’s hands,

she said,

‘I have had the most blessed life.

I have seen all of my children grow up and have all of these grandkids and great grandkids around me.

And I have spent a lifetime with the love of my life.’

This weekend brought the most beautiful contrast.

Two individuals committing to each other and taking the first step into day one of their journey, and the other looking on and reflecting on the past sixty five years together.

One looks ahead into their future and the other looks around at the life they have built together.

Watching Mommom and Pop dance together at the wedding, one of our cousins said to me ‘Can you imagine what all they have seen and what all they have been through together?’

It’s such a great question.

Marriage is the most difficult and at the same time, the most beautiful thing to be apart of.

Living life as one with another human being puts you in a vulnerable state.

It gives that person the power to hurt you more than anyone else can hurt you.

But also opens you up to experiencing love, in ways that you have never experienced before.

Both will happen.

We have committed to choose, for the amazing to outweigh the shitty.

I love hearing stories about my Nana and Pawpaw.

They were passionate.

I relate to that.

One definition of legacy is

‘a thing handed down by a predecessor.’

The definition tripped me up because of the word ‘thing’.

In my experience, what is being handed down to us is not a thing.

It is love.

Love put into action.

To love hard.

To love with respect.

And to love without judgment.

Though they never had the chance to meet, the latter is something that Nana and Pawpaw and Mommom and Pop had in common,

to love without judgment.

My Nana and Pawpaw let anyone who needed a roof over their head stay with them and ever since the day I met Mommom and Pop they made me feel like I had always belonged in this family.

I consider it one of the greatest honors of my life to be the predecessor of families who put loving God and loving one another,

above all else.

We named our daughter Zizi Virginia after Mommom, who’s name is Virginia,

and so that she would have the same initials as my Nana (Zula Vernelle).

Her name is in honor of two women who we pray, she will be a mixture of.

There will never be a day in her life where she does not know the legacy they have left for her.

A lifetime of love is what constitutes a blessed life.

-Haley Gay

my resolution

Hi March,

I haven't written much since October and that makes me sad but I can't dwell on that.

My resolution's for the year included not sweating the small stuff.

At this point everyone is so OVER resolutions, because we were all hoping that these goals would have come to fruition at this point.

We’re doing our best.

Anyway.

I have a nine month old.

She has taken breath on this earth, just as long as she lived inside of me. I’m crying, it’s fine.

March has brought a sense of renewal.

Renewal in marriage, parenting, friendship and life.

--renewal; the replacing or repair of something that is worn out, run-down, or broken.

Being (run down) hit us hard after the 2015 holidays.

2016 greeted us with business, partnered with so much joy.

This past weekend, my kindred spirit got married.

Walking with her through life for the past seven years has been one of the greatest blessings in my life.

Seeing her become one with the absolute love of her life, truly moved me and breathed fresh air into my lungs.

Being apart of a wedding ceremony, reminds us of the weight that a lifelong commitment carries.

When the majority views marriage as something they will participate in until things don’t go according to their plans, it can be hard to keep perspective.

Witnessing two people proclaim their dedication to God and each other for life, brought me to tears.

Marriage is good and difficult and sweet and hard.

It is the most beautiful thing to witness and the most profound thing to be apart of.

This year for Zach and I, our weekends have been filled and our hearts running on empty.

I say that because most days, Zach and I have been going in opposite directions. Though the places we have gone have been great, they have not been together.

There have been no big issues but I realize that my marriage is like jenga.

Little blocks.

Business--block

Working late--block

Getting up with the baby (who all of the sudden doesn’t want to sleep through the night)--block

Going out of town--block

Making a dinner that turns out shitty—block

Your man not taking out the trash that you’ve asked him to take out so many freaking times—block

Block after block is put into our relationships.

It’s crazy because the blocks are so small but if we don’t take hold of them, they can build into a tower between us.

Life size jenga.

One by one, blocks are pulled and eventually, the entire tower crumbles.

Three years ago, my kindred spirit and I were fortunate enough to spend time with a woman who cared (and still cares) about pouring into us. I wasn’t married yet, but one of the things she said has stuck with me,

'You will either make your marriage a priority or you won't, it is completely your choice.

Completely.Your.Choice.

I don’t want my marriage to become distant, because of a tower of hurts that aren’t being dealt with.

I want to hold that block of hurt, pain, frustration or anxiety in front of me and deal with it, work through it and put love into it.

Relationships (marriage, friendship, parenting, etc.) do not thrive in the midst of selfishness.

They do not thrive in the midst of laziness.

They do not thrive in the midst of anger.

A relationship thrives in the midst of love, forgiveness, faithfulness, truth telling, self sacrifice, respectfulness and grace.

For me, I need to work on all of those but grace may be the biggest.

I struggle to give grace, even though I am given grace a thousand times over, daily.

‘The contents of your heart are producing the contents of your life’*

So truly, my resolution for the year is to slow down, take a deep breath and ask the Father what my heart looks like today and what He wants it to look like tomorrow.

 -Haley

*Head to Heart podcast by Christa Black Gifford