sigh no more

I haven't written in a while because I knew this one would be heavy. 

Three years and three months ago from tomorrow, I came home for summer break and Zach and I became "official."

Three weeks after that he told me God had called him into the Air Force.

Three days passed then I told him I loved him, fifteen seconds later he told me he could have said that to me from day one. 

One month later I went back to school in San Marcos and Zach stayed in Rockwall 

(that's when our long distant journey began)

About three and half months later Zach trained to San Marcos so he could drive me home for Christmas break. He started boot camp on January 4, 2011.

From the moment he got off the train until the moment I dropped him off for service,

we had twenty one days. 

Twenty one days (consecutively) is the longest hang out streak we've had.

For that next three months our only way of communicating was through letters and one, seven minute, Sunday night phone call per week. 

After boot camp (which was in San Antonio) he was being trained for a month and a half. We saw each other on the weekends. 

Then we found out he was being stationed in Washington D.C.

He had to report to Andrews Air Force Base on May 29, two days after our one year anniversary. 

We spent that first anniversary together, in Rockwall. It was incredible.

From that moment on our schedule was at a pretty consistent rate of seeing each other once every two and a half months.

The day after Christmas of 2011 both of our families went to Washington D.C.

Zach proposed. (Best day ever)

After that our routine of seeing each other every two(ish) months continued.

Then in the beginning of November of 2012, Zach got told, that starting on December 6 he wasn't going to be able to take leave for six months. 

I spent the week of Thanksgiving in D.C., just me and Z. Then he came back with me and spent time with the family before he had to report on the sixth. I said bye to him on December 4th.

Because of softball, there was no possible way I could get to Zach.

Then (after begging his commander and working extra) he surprised me on April 27th for senior weekend.

Tears.

I spent two sweet days with him.

Once he got off of his specialty job in June, they told him he wasn't going to be able to take leave until the week of the wedding.

That's where we are now.

Tomorrow I will pick Zach up from the airport and hug him without feeling the pain of him eventually leaving again. I will kiss him and it be genuinely filled with joy, with no sting of his eventual departure in our near future. I will not have to hold his hand so tight, scared that someone will try to pull him away from me, thinking that we only have a little time together. Seeing Zach tomorrow will be seeing God's promise coming true. Through all of the worst times in the past three years, we held onto the truth that we do not run in vain. We have known for a long time that we were made to be married. Through different times of yelling and tears, a lot of tears, we both knew that God did not bring us this far to leave us now. We our living proof of God's word saying "..suffering produces endurance." Both of us have felt that our hearts couldn't take it any more and there was no way we could keep going being separate, but every time we would hit a low God would come in and just whisper..endure. 

Tomorrow, in that airport, God will be with us and embracing us as we are embracing each other. The Father hurts when we hurt and He rejoices when we rejoice! 

When Z and I get married on Sunday, we will have spent a total of seven days together in 2013 but we will also break our 21 day hang out streak in 2013. 

joy comes in the morning

-Hay

the little things

The last heap of apartment things ship out tomorrow! We have been blessed with so many gifts for our new place. Our families have really stepped up and been a huge help in this process, donating furniture and helping pack, we are so grateful! My dad and I got the storage unit completely packed down today, even though it was 1000 degrees outside and we were packing, I had so much fun. I love doing things with my parents. I am soaking in every last second of living with them. There has been a lot of transitions in the past couple of months, being done with softball, graduating college and moving back home, but the best transition has been with my parents and I. We have become more like best friends. I am so ready to be married but I am so freaking blessed to have this sweet time with family before I start my life with Z. It's amazing how you truly start to appreciate something as it's coming to an end. Spending quality with the people we love is such a treasure and most of the time, we don't even realize it. My goal is to make thankfulness, for the little things, apart of my daily life. 

 -Hay

it's not always easy but it's worth it

In one month from today I will be a married woman and Zach will be a married man. I have caught myself thinking a lot about our walk through engagement today. We have been engaged for a year and a half and it's been a tough year and a half. There's no reason to be anything but honest about life experiences. We fought, cried and I tried to pull away out of fear. God uses vulnerability as a powerful tool to enhance relationships and the devil tries to twist it into something terrifying. In God's definition, vulnerability is allowing yourself to be fully known and fully loved. The devil wants us to view vulnerability as a weakness that opens us up to heartbreak if someone finds out who we truly are. I was listening to the devil's lies. Thankfully, the Lord goes before us. The Lord knew that this would happen and knew he had to equip a man to hold on tighter when I was trying to emotionally pull away. The intense emotions that come with the territory of engagement manifested themselves in Zach, in the way that I needed. He had to dig in deeper and push through walls I didn't know I had. He had to have difficult conversations with me. His actions reflected an unwavering love that is hard for the natural mind to understand. In going through this, all of these things were not clear to me. It wasn't until I read a passage in Ruth, that it clicked. This story is about Naomi and Ruth, a mother in law and daughter in law but the love and commitment resonates so much with Zach and I. Naomi is the mother in law and her son (Ruth's husband) dies. Even though Ruth argues, Naomi tells Ruth to go and find another husband so that she can have a full life. Naomi is hurting, she has lost her husband and both of her sons, she even says that God has gone against her. She has no clue who is going to provide for her or what the rest of her life will look like. She is insecure about her vulnerable state. In her pleading for Ruth to leave her, for her own good, Ruth says,

"Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” (Ruth 1:16-17)

I can just see Ruth putting her hands on Naomi's shoulders and shaking her, saying just stop telling me to leave. No matter what your life looks like, no matter who you are becoming and no matter what happens I am not leaving and I never will. It took a strong, honest and vulnerable voice for Naomi to accept and allow the love and commitment Ruth was offering. I relate to that so deeply. Z showed me the unending love of God when I didn't deserve it. In my times of lonliness and insecurity Zach reminded me that the Father goes before us and will never leave or forsake us. 

-Hay