four years ago today

Camping this weekend, i stared into the fire,

the flames can be intoxicating, the color and vibrance,

breathtaking.

as i sat there, next to my husband and a couple of friends i thought about

the flames, and how they can so quickly consume.

four years ago, i had a really great friend who i developed true feelings for.

a year leading up to our relationship, we pursued a friendship that was

hilarious, interesting and honest.

because of that foundation, deciding to be in a relationship

was simple for us. 

four years ago today i decided to be zach's girlfriend.

i was eighteen and we had fun, but i knew this wasn't a fling.

we continued the theme of being friends first, into our dating relationship.

friends fight

friends laugh

friends cry

friends disagree

friends don't judge

and friends accept you, exactly the way that you are.

This is what we fully expect from the people that are closest to us,

so why would we sacrifice that in a dating relationship.

i am not an expert but i have experience to share.

Dating just 'for fun' makes no sense to me.

In the end, one person had fun and the other ends up hurt.

Being honest about your feelings is underrated and

recklessness with your heart is painful. 

i believe in true, intimate love.

i think that vulnerability is invaluable,

and i recognize that i am blessed to have started my

journey with zach at eighteen. 

the night God revealed to me, that i was going to spend my life

with this man, Zach told me he was leaving for the Air Force.

then he hugged me. but it wasn't just any hug,

that hug felt like all consuming flames on my body.

Staring into the fire, at the campsite yesterday brought me back to that very moment.

 My soul, and Zach's soul, were set on fire by Christ, and that fire was great.

But together that fire will rage and burn until our love is perfected and Jesus is glorified.

Forever.

appreciation

May is military appreciation month

Before zach, i never gave much thought to the military.

i have a cousin who served in the navy and a grandfather who served in the air force. Both, safe and have long moved on from their military days.

i knew and respected the fact that people were fighting and making sacrifices for our country,

air force

army

navy

marines

coast guard

but i never thought that i would one day be involved.

When i met zach he was a long haired, laid back guy,

loved Jesus, wasn't worried about much and

never really thought about planning ahead.

i didn't see anything wrong with that mentality, in fact my eighteen year old self, loved that about him.

We had no worries and so much fun.

He wasn't the leader that he is today, but i would have followed him anywhere. 

On july third of two thousand and ten, zach sat me down and explained that he felt like God was speaking to him and that he was being called to join the air force.

i was shocked. i truly did not know what to think or expect.

all i could do was hug him, say good night and go inside as fast as possible.

i only had one phrase on my mind and i didn't want to spit it out. 

'i don't know what that means for us, but i know that i love you.'

and that is why i remember the exact day, it was when i knew that i had no choice,

i wasn't walking away from this.

by the end of that weekend, we were both a mess but also completely wrapped up in each other.

Zach was sure of this calling and we trusted that.

Over the next three years, there were some ups and a lot of downs. 

Most of you know of our struggles, but Zach's hardships as an airmen were of equal pain.

Being away from everyone he loves and navigating how to walk with God in the midst of a culture that, for the most part, doesn't even try to.

Z hasn't gone overseas, but he has dealt with and seen things (as most military men and women have) that I can't even imagine, in my worst nightmares. 

He has a job every day that tells him what to wear, how to look and where to live. 

The long haired, border line hippie is now buried under a layer of fierce commitment and responsibility. 

I asked Zach, why he felt like God had called him to such a challenging life choice, and

He told me that, he knew I was the one he was going to marry and he felt that God was calling him to walk in obedience as an individual, so that he would be equipped to lead his future family to walk in God's will, wherever that may lead.

the definition of appreciation is to recognize the full worth of.

this month, today and every day i want to show appreciation to my senior airman.

It is an honor to walk beside you.

-haley gay

to every military member, veteran and military family

thank you

 

the power in words

your words don't just matter

they are the most important thing you have.

i was raised on this thinking. your words will either bring life and encouragement or death and destruction. 

words are powerful. the meaning behind three short words, uttered by angels did more for humanity than any army or world leader could ever imagine doing. "he's not here" was the short sentence used to confirm that Jesus had left the tomb, an action that would change the world. i nanny for a ten year old boy and a seven year old girl and they've got a lot going on. school, sports, dance, friends, etc. There are times when they just do not want to go to practice, they're over it. After multiple tries of bribery and pleading, i started trying "declarations." 

Three simple questions, are you strong? are you confident? can you do this?

after three yes' and a deep breath i tell them to keep repeating that.

i am strong

i am confident

i can do this

There was no power in my plea for them to get out of the car or in the promise of froyo. the power was in their own words. 

i probably got this idea from 'the help' (amazing movie) but one of the popular lines is the nanny saying to the little girl "you is kind, you is smart, you is important" 

But i have done this before i shared it with the kids. last year was my senior year in college and things weren't great. i was having the worst year of softball in my entire career and i couldn't see zach for six months. about halfway through the year i started a daily declaration. every morning when i woke up and every night before i went to sleep, i would take a deep breath, close my eyes and say out loud 'i am satisfied in you' Just me in my room, alone with God, i said it. every day. some days i really felt it, i meant it from my heart. other days i said and as i was saying it, my head was spinning with questions and anger and i would have to follow it with 'make my heart believe.' but i said it. 

unfortunately, i have been wreck less with my words. i have caused anger and hurt in people that i love and probably some that i don't even know. i have lived the painful reality of saying something you regret. the thing about letting words carelessly fall out of your mouth is that you can't take them back. no matter what. thankfully people show grace and forgiveness. But just as lethal a harsh word can be is how life giving an intentional, kind word can be. Words of encouragement, affirmation and love have helped shape who i am! When someone sends me a random paragraph of truth, i cry because i just love when people are intentional with their words.

This is why i love declarations, it gives me an opportunity to speak truth into my own life and to be intentional with my words.

I say it until my heart feels it. I say it because my heart feels it. I say it because i need it. I say it because God is good to me and I can't allow myself to forget that, no matter my situation.

Speak life to yourself, your husband, your wife, your kids, your family, your friends, your teacher, the cashier at the grocery store.

speak life

-hay

 my declaration for right now: God loves me and will never stop fighting for me

if you need some inspiration in finding a declaration, this song is a good place to start: Faith by Jason Upton