Hi March,
I haven't written much since October and that makes me sad but I
can't dwell on that.
My resolution's for the year included not sweating the small stuff.
At this point everyone is so OVER resolutions, because we were
all hoping that these goals would have come to fruition at this point.
We’re doing our best.
Anyway.
I have a nine month old.
She has taken breath on this earth, just as long as she lived
inside of me. I’m crying, it’s fine.
March has brought a sense of renewal.
Renewal in marriage, parenting, friendship and life.
--renewal; the replacing or repair of something that is worn
out, run-down, or broken.
Being (run down) hit us hard after the 2015 holidays.
2016 greeted us with business, partnered with so much joy.
This past weekend, my kindred spirit got married.
Walking with her through life for the past seven years has been
one of the greatest blessings in my life.
Seeing her become one
with the absolute love of her life, truly moved me and breathed fresh air into
my lungs.
Being apart of a wedding ceremony, reminds us of the weight that
a lifelong commitment carries.
When the majority views marriage as something they will
participate in until things don’t go according to their plans, it can be hard
to keep perspective.
Witnessing two people proclaim their dedication to God and each
other for life, brought me to tears.
Marriage is good and difficult and sweet and hard.
It is the most beautiful thing to witness and the most profound
thing to be apart of.
This year for Zach and I, our weekends have been filled and our
hearts running on empty.
I say that because most days, Zach and I have been going in
opposite directions. Though the places we have gone have been great, they have
not been together.
There have been no big issues but I realize that my marriage is
like jenga.
Little blocks.
Business--block
Working late--block
Getting up with the baby (who all of the sudden doesn’t want to
sleep through the night)--block
Going out of town--block
Making a dinner that turns out shitty—block
Your man not taking out the trash that you’ve asked him to take
out so many freaking times—block
Block after block is put into our relationships.
It’s crazy because the blocks are so small but if we don’t take
hold of them, they can build into a tower between us.
Life size jenga.
One by one, blocks are pulled and eventually, the entire tower crumbles.
Three years ago, my kindred spirit and I were fortunate enough
to spend time with a woman who cared (and still cares) about pouring into us. I
wasn’t married yet, but one of the things she said has stuck with me,
'You will either make your marriage a priority or you won't, it
is completely your choice.
Completely.Your.Choice.
I don’t want my marriage to become distant, because of a tower of
hurts that aren’t being dealt with.
I want to hold that block of hurt, pain, frustration or anxiety
in front of me and deal with it, work through it and put love into it.
Relationships (marriage, friendship, parenting, etc.) do not
thrive in the midst of selfishness.
They do not thrive in the midst of laziness.
They do not thrive in the midst of anger.
A relationship thrives in the midst of love,
forgiveness, faithfulness, truth telling, self sacrifice, respectfulness and
grace.
For me, I need to work on all of those but grace may be the
biggest.
I struggle to give grace, even though I am given grace a
thousand times over, daily.
‘The contents of your heart are producing the contents of your
life’*
So
truly, my resolution for the year is to slow down, take a deep breath and ask the
Father what my heart looks like today and what He wants it to look like
tomorrow.
*Head to Heart podcast by Christa Black Gifford
