Real

“I love it because it is so real”

A good friend of mine said that to me today

about a new church she is going to.

The opposite of real,

is fake.

However, i feel like the word fake is harsh by nature.

so i'm thinking more along the lines of

not completely transparent.

I love the word transparent.

This is included in it's definition--

allowing light to pass through--crystal clear.

The most meaningful encounters in my life have been

when transparency is present.

And i feel like that is what most of us desire

so deeply;

for someone to just be real with us!

'hi how are you?'

'good, how are you?'

'good'

I do that almost every day of my life,

as most of us do.

The problem occurs when you get to a point in your life where

you are never going past that point,

with anyone. 

A lack of transparent encounters in our lives is toxic

to our souls. 

It's NOT an all day, everyday thing

(that's to much)

you have to choose a person or people that you are real with. 

There's nothing wrong with posting the freaking adorable

pictures of your husband/wife/babies/friends

(hello, i'm the queen of it)

but there also has to be a part of life where you call your person

and say 'i need you to pray for my marriage, we're having a rough week.'

or

'i'm feeling really lonely, will you come have a drink with me'

We are so afraid of being judged that we forget,

we all have moments like this.

I had a conversation with someone who was saying

she felt like it was being disrespectful to her husband

'airing their dirty laundry'

My response--

'How will the laundry ever get cleaned, if you don't air it somewhere

other than where the dirt is?'

Obviously there are things between a marriage, a family, a friend, etc. 

that are deeply personal and those boundaries need to be respected. 

However, the Lord is an advocate for community.

He designed for us to live involved with one another.

This might sound a little ridiculous but some of this

is inspired by a celebrity couple announcing a divorce last week.

You might not know who I'm talking about so here's a quick background.

Kaley Cuoco (Penny from Big Bang Theory) married a tennis player

and I have followed them on instagram the whole time.

They seemed so obsessed with each other and always posted stuff like,

'this is what a strong marriage looks like' and

'the married side of life is the best side of life'

A week ago, after being married for 21 months,

they announced their divorce.

Now I know they are celebrities and celebrities tend

to treat marriage like Coachella,

(fun while it lasted but now that i'm tired and chaffing,

it's time to move on).

But it really made me think.

We put the adorable stuff out their for everyone to see

but how is the heartbeat of my marriage?

Am i giving more attention to my caption

than to my husband? 

And also, is there someone close to me who is drowning

in their own lack of transparency? 

A lot of us don't even know where to start.

You know that you feel a certain way,

but aren't sure how to say it.

And definitely aren't sure if you'll be judged for just being

real.

Wether you are single and struggling with purity,

a new parent feeling like you suck at this,

a married person feeling lonely or

a married person who is so obsessed you don't even know

how you could possibly love someone more.

You could be dating someone and don't want to get married

or someone who is thinking about quitting your job to be

with your babies more. 

Life is real and no matter where we are at,

we need to air it out.

The good, the bad, the ugly, the amazing, the difficutly, the hard, the struggle,

the real.

That's the only way to keep our souls where they should be,

allowing The Light to pass through.

-Haley