new name...same me

I have been Haley Madison Lemons for..well, my whole life. Last week the women working at the Social Security office said to me,

"Haley Lemons is no longer a legal name, we will send you a new Social Security card within five business days, thank you Mrs. Gay."

I was taken back. Her tone was so abrupt in nature, as if that sentence was basic protocol and she said it one hundred times a day. Of course, I have been Haley Gay in God's eyes since September 1st, but hearing that sentence made it so real. I put my hand over my heart and took a deep breath, just having a moment, saying goodbye to my birth name. The name I shared with cousins, sisters, parents and grandparents. The name that has been called out by teachers, friends and angry coaches for such a long time.

  I was proud to bear that name for twenty two years.

Of course my precious moment was halted, in about two seconds with a loud "NEXT" in my ear. You can imagine how hectic the social security offices are right now.

On my walk back to our apartment I called my mom and told her about my experience. I then started unravelling so many emotions I didn't even realize that I had. Stressing about mine and Zach's future, where we are going to live, what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do it. Putting unnecessary pressure on myself about so many different things.

Anxiety is not a familiar territory for me so when I feel it coming on I get overwhelmed.

My mom started talking to me about my senior year in high school and some of the quotes I had picked out for my senior book. Quotes about leadership, trust in the Lord and quotes about not minding how different I was from anyone else. She said,

"Haley, you have bravely pursued your own path in life, you should continue to walk it in the same way."

She reminded me that my name has changed but I haven't. It was a reminder I really needed.

Today I got my new Social Security card. When I saw Haley Madison Gay, I was over joyed. Seeing my name, officially the same as Zach's is the most wonderful feeling. I am honored that God chose me to be his wife. 

 From the moment that I was formed, God planned for me to have this name.

Tonight we sat on the couch and listened to songs that reminded us of our journey. Sad songs from when we were apart and fun songs from being together. We danced and ate, watched tv and played video games.

We're a family. 

God gave me a renewed spirit of hope, excitement and assurance that Haley Gay is going to be the best 'Haley' yet.