the investment

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village.
And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary.
Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.

"I don't have a purpose" 

i said that sentence and it broke my heart as it was coming out of my mouth.
It was a confession of the thoughts I'd been battling for a while.
I'm Martha. 

I wake up wondering what I can do to fill my time
and how I can distract my mind
from the question that I can't seem to quit asking God. 

"What am I supposed to do with this life?" 

Of course, there are tons of ways to spend my time.
I could
look for a job
clean my house
do laundry
watch tv
cook. 
But these things leave me wanting.
bored.
And just as martha, i challenge God, asking
"Lord, do you not care..."
The question is familiar to me.
The answer is accurate, i am
anxious.
troubled.
but with the rest, comes revelation.
God does not want me to spend my time,
He wants me to invest my time.
Learning to be alone.
Understanding what exactly, Jesus stands for.
Realizing my identity.
It is not always easy and
can take a very long time.
But even when I sit at the feet and hear nothing,
Jesus is sitting on the throne, seeing everything.


-haley gay