a new reality

seven months ago, i started this journey. being a wife and living in nova (northern virginia). finished with my academic career and now spending my time thinking of ways to actually participate in the world instead of going to class, reading books and taking test to "prepare myself for it."

actually, it is a completely new way of life. for most of my years before now, my entire existence was about getting myself to the next step. i absolutely believe that every one of those steps were God ordained but nonetheless, they were to achieve goals of mine. there is nothing wrong with that, but i now live in a new way. my life is not just about what i can do to make my goals and dreams come true.

i am not saying i no longer have goals and dreams.

and i am not saying they wont come true.

but what i am saying is that before now, my dreams and goals were the most important thing to me. and that has changed. my dream and goal is for all of zach's dreams to come true.

even if that means sacrificing my own.

this is one of my highest callings in marriage. i get to delight in my husband and not just when it is easy.

In fact, i am writing this in a time of difficulty for him. But through it, God has reminded me of my role in Zach's heart. 

if he is feeling under appreciated at work, he will come home to a place that reminds him of his immense value.

I am never going to be perfect but i know that

I am here to build him up, not drag him down,

to speak life and not death.

God has given me the privilege and responsibility of being his helpmate.

When zach first moved up here by himself three years ago, he really struggled and if i didn't play college softball, zach and i could have gotten married and been together much earlier.

zach wouldn't have been so alone.

but he never let me entertain the thought of leaving. he didn't allow what he wanted to stand in the way of fulfilling my dream. before zach, i was selfish in a lot of ways.

he led me by example into a relationship that lives in an unselfish reality. 

-haley